Remember that line from the movie "The Piano"?
The reason I don't get anxious anticipating scan results is because it's just more or less bad news. It's the same as being a little bit pregnant, you're pregnant, period. A little bit of cancer may be a little bit of bad news, but it's still bad news.
It turns out that the current chemo wasn't working either. I'm on to my fourth flavor, starting on Tuesday. I made the doctor laugh with my Mae West joke and then asked him a hard question. If there are no more chemo options left and I am no longer in treatment, how long will it take for the cancer to devour me? "Three to six months." Don't start counting yet though, there are still more drugs to try.
What a depressing posting, I'm so sorry. I got this news yesterday, my friend Marcia held me on the couch in sub-wait room while I cried for a little while and then, I went to the scheduling desk and booked my appointments. I will do what I have to do to push my half dozen out as far as I can. I have a strangely strong will for life. My body gets it from my parents, the best of both of them pulses with in me. My soul is boundless with resources, invisible and in all of you: your love, your willingness to let your hearts be touched.
This is what my life has been all about. This is why I was born. To touch people and help to make a better world, better lives, bigger hearts. Thank you for touching me back with your love and words.
My stories are coming right along. I got some break through critique yesterday and wrote one that bridges my father's cancer to mine. I had been struggling with how to introduce that in to my collection. I'm there now. Thank you ML. Love, Lori
Saturday, July 18, 2009
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7 comments:
We too will do whatever we can to help you push out your half-dozen or so. Huge, huge love to you.
Alan & Evie Kahn
It's awfully hard news to hear, but if anybody can beat it, it's YOU! We are all pulling-praying-wishing-hoping-begging for you to pull through. One of those drugs just has to work!
My work has been going well and I'll finally be able to take a break in not too many weeks from now. See you soon my loving Sister!
Love you,
Steve & Sheila
I send you an email just before I read this posting. I love you, you are one amazing woman... show your cleavage and take no shit...I still have faith as this cancer does not know exactly who it has a hold of... and maybe the next drug will be the one. I pray to God it is. xoxo Nancy Allawos
Bummer Lori. You are such a dear spirit in your approach to everything--life! You make me pause and be thankful for having you in our lives.
Both Nick and I will see you this week. You've got one long strong hug comming.
Carol & Nick
Lori, what a gift it is to know with such clarity why you were born, what you are on this earth to do. And you do it (and have done it) so well. I dreamt about you the other night. I woke up with such regret that we haven't spent even more time together. What is that about, where we slot people into roles -- "Hairdresser" which has certain boundaries, instead of "friend" and "trusted confidant" and "kindred spirit" and all the other things you are to me?
I am not surprised you asked your doctor the hard questions. You are in a passionate relationship with the truth, with reality. This is one and the same person who shows her cleavage and takes no shit! Be who you are, be real, and deal with the real emotions that provokes. I would expect nothing less of you.
I look forward to seeing you on Friday.
Love love love you.
Hey, do you want me to bring you some brownies or some other lucious baked good? Just let me know... I am at your culinary service.
XOXO
Janet Meyer
Lori, You have been such a positive influence on my life. It is a better place becaues of you. I know you don't see me but I do wave everythime I drive by your house. Smiles and a BIG hug to you my friend.
Lovey ya,
David
Your great spirit and determination are an inspiration to me. It took 4 attempts for the doctors to find the right cocktail for my niece Malia, and she is doing well 15 years later...it can happen for you too!
Miss you! Love Phil
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