I've got a good friend who was raised catholic and is Italian. She read Terri's comment and is even more angry than me. She counseled me to "get more Italian". I think that is good advice, I'm going to park my humor at the door and let it rip.
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I am so far past being angry that I have cancer. That isn't the issue. What is so profoundly irritating and hurtful is when a person pushes their religion or spiritual choices on to others(me). "I don't think right. I need to think more positive. I don't eat right. Become vegitarian. Eat raw. Take this herb, that herb, this vitamin that vitamin. Drink this, don't drink that. I must have asked for this. There must be something that I have done that caused this cancer. And a personal faverite: What have you learned fron having cancer? Now it's using the image of Jesus's pain to control the pain of cancer on my bones." Bite me!
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I think people do this because if they can get someone to agree with their beliefs, they can feel safer. Feel like they're the ones that have it all figured out. I think the reason people do this is because they are unable to go deep enough inside themselves, Too afraid to think and feel for themselves. Too afraid to touch their own fears. They'd rather project all the things they think they are doing so much better than the sick person (me) because it's the only way they can keep the illusion that nothing bad will happen to them. How self righteous! How cold! How arrogant! How immature! How chicken shit! But, now wait: Is this the way you express your love? Is it working?
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Do you like being questioned, challenged and doubted and undermined on the deepest most personal level of you relationship with God?
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Get real! We're all human beings, doing the best we can. You think you're not going to die one day? You think nothing "bad" will ever happen? Right. When your day comes, remember that I would support every belief, every every thing that you might choose to help yourself along the way, because it's your way, it's about you. If I were able to be with you, my job would be to be with you, as you are. Meet you right where you are with absolute love and unconditional support for you. My fears are not yours. My spirituality is not yours. Most of you are exactly that way. Thank you. I love you.
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If you have a comment, would you please sign your whole name? You all know who I am, but it took me hours to sift through all of the Terri's that I know to be able to guess which one I needed to call.
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Now I can say that my heritage is Viking and Italian.
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1. Donate to Lori's Love Tribe Fund:
http://advocacy.fightcrc.org/goto/lovetribe
By donating to Lori's Love Tribe fund, your money will be used by the Colorectal Cancer Coalition to award research grants to people doing cutting edge research on Colorectal Cancer. And hopefully, one day, a brilliant medical researcher will apply for a fund to research SMALL-CELL rectal cancer and the Love Tribe money will help.
2. Donate to the Sunshine Canyon Fire Department:
http://www.sunshine-fpd.org/donations
The Sunshine Canyon community rallied together when Lori needed them the most. The time and energy they devoted to caring for Lori will never be forgotten. They have come out of this experience as heroes to Lori's family. So, by donating to the fire station, you are helping to protect and care for the beautiful people of Sunshine Canyon just as they protected and cared for Lori.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU
Lori's Journey Through Cancer
Lori was diagnosed with small-cell rectal cancer in July of 2008 at age 50. Upon her diagnosis, she was already in stage 4 (terminal) with metastases on her liver, lungs, and surface of her bones. She died 17 months later on November 22nd, 2009 after putting up a hell of a fight and enduring 4 different types of chemotherapy and intense radiation.
Small-cell cancer grows extremely fast and usually originates in the lungs, not the rectum. Lori's cancer was so rare that no studies on it are being done. To date, only about 100 cases of small-cell colorectal cancer have been reported, with 40% of them having the primary tumor originate in the rectum.
What does this mean? It means that only about 40 people have been reported to have the same type of cancer as Lori. 40!!! Therefore, there isn't any sort of specialized treatment options or research available. This was the most frustrating part of having cancer for Lori. She was ready to do whatever it took to heal and go into remission, but there were no good options for her.
Small-cell cancer grows extremely fast and usually originates in the lungs, not the rectum. Lori's cancer was so rare that no studies on it are being done. To date, only about 100 cases of small-cell colorectal cancer have been reported, with 40% of them having the primary tumor originate in the rectum.
What does this mean? It means that only about 40 people have been reported to have the same type of cancer as Lori. 40!!! Therefore, there isn't any sort of specialized treatment options or research available. This was the most frustrating part of having cancer for Lori. She was ready to do whatever it took to heal and go into remission, but there were no good options for her.
How You Can Help
1. Donate to Lori's Love Tribe Fund:
http://advocacy.fightcrc.org/goto/lovetribe
By donating to Lori's Love Tribe fund, your money will be used by the Colorectal Cancer Coalition to award research grants to people doing cutting edge research on Colorectal Cancer. And hopefully, one day, a brilliant medical researcher will apply for a fund to research SMALL-CELL rectal cancer and the Love Tribe money will help.
2. Donate to the Sunshine Canyon Fire Department:
http://www.sunshine-fpd.org/donations
The Sunshine Canyon community rallied together when Lori needed them the most. The time and energy they devoted to caring for Lori will never be forgotten. They have come out of this experience as heroes to Lori's family. So, by donating to the fire station, you are helping to protect and care for the beautiful people of Sunshine Canyon just as they protected and cared for Lori.
Gratitude
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU
i thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greeenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any - lifted from the no
of all nothing-human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears are awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
day: for the leaping greeenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any - lifted from the no
of all nothing-human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears are awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
The Hair Cut
7 comments:
Hi Lori-I haven't written since this first all started for you. Wanted to say keep the chin up you are doing great. keep up the fight and don't let people get to you YOU GO GIRL!!!!(Please keep writing i want to know how you are. ENJOY) LIZ MAUER
Dear Lori,
Thanks for hanging in there and getting mad and saying it. So glad you came back to the blog.
I am far away and check in often to see how you are - however you are is fine with me. I just like to read your words and know.
Love and Blessings,
Carole Summer
"Bite me!" Atta' girl. We love you so much. Keep YOUR faith. So, we've arrived in NY. Evie found a job as assistant manager at a vineyard...she is thrilled beyond her height...okay, more than that as she's pretty small. Even though we're now 1800 miles away (and so is our hair ;-), your always in our hearts and minds. Sending lots of east coast love your way,
Alan & Evie Kahn
Lori,
Thank you for deciding to keep your blog going and fighting back for your beliefs!
I've been thinking about you quite a bit over the past couple days. I've been having the most vivid dreams, and have been thinking quite a bit about writing up my magic shampoo children's story (I don't know if you remember me telling you about it, but the shampoo makes you fly!), which also came to me in a dream. I've always thought you should illustrate it :)
My mom (Goska) sends her love from France, and wanted me to let you know that she's keeping you in her thoughts and lighting prayer candles all across Europe for you.
Keep up the fight and keep up the love!
Love, me (Magda Grabowska)
Dear Lori,
I have so much love and respect for you. I am also so sorry to hear about the pain you're experiencing. You carry yourself with such grace and beauty, humor and honesty.
Love to you, sweetie.
Kim Thomas
Lori, You are always in my heart and thoughts. I have been sad about your process lately, but have been SOOOOOOOOO inspired by your words, your openness to the beauty of nature AND your process and the love you feel in so many places and ways. Keep that huge and plucky heart open. Sending you so much love, Aevea
Lori,
I don't really know what to say except you amaze me with your fierce love. Your words are a challenge to me to open more deeply to the truth of what's in front of me...my humanity, my amazing self, my limitations.
You need to know that you have converted me. I am now a woman who wears only hanky pankies and sexy undies. They help remind me of you and your commitment to live fully human, and to model myself after you.
Always holding you in love,
Cynthia you know my cleavage so you don't need my name
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